Stomachs on legs are proud to present

One of my favourite movie lines of all time is "don't fuck with the wongs", a nice variant of which is "don't fuck with the Hmongs". I would like to now introduce a new addition to this phraseology - Cambodian edition 2009 - "don't fuck with Miss Wong"

Miss Wong is the latest and might I add coolest new addition to Siem Reap's night scene. Located down a small quiet laneway, across from the Silk Garden and taking inspiration from 1920s Shanghai the small, intimate and classy bar is dressed to the nines as any petite flower girl of "Shanghai Grand" would be. Draped in deep red with, gold pagoda ceiling, every nook and cranny contains unique and elaborate objet d'art, lamps and paintings.









Even the ashtrays are fabulous. New York Times reporters, of outstanding taste agree... as do all but a few curmudgeonly passé expats



Miss Wong's cocktails are more than worthy of the decor with many of the ingredients made from fresh tropical fruits and home made vodka infusions



Miss Wong's proprietor is Dean Williams, ex-radio host and ex-Auckland NZ personality/ boy about town. He dropped by in Cambodia in our final days in the country in 2006 and liked it so much he decided to stay.



If you're a kiwi pop in and say "hullo"

Miss Wong
The Opposite Laneway to the "Passage" on the opposite side of Pub Street
Siem Reap, Cambodia

That zip-locked lentil salad from Metzgerei Schmitz went a ways, even when we gave half to Carmen & Demi: I guess I never need to eat it again.

I still didn't find out what that nice orange cheese was called (Edit: I found out today. It's 12-month old Mimolette, a cheese from North France, coloured with flower seeds and flavourized by an insect called the 'cheese mite'). It's fun to eat things in extreme colours.

By the way, we still didn't figure out what to do with all those extra champagne glasses from Ikea. I am currently gazing through a forest of them on our kitchen bench.

We thought of giving half to Carmen & Demi, but Demi doesn't drink.

Next time I am asked for money by one of Cologne's executive bums (pseudo-anarchist alcoholics who sit on the footpath beside ATMs and curse people, when not playing petanque in the park), maybe I should give him a box of champagne glasses. They would either sip 90% proof out of them, or smash them over their dogs' heads. Either way, it could suit their brand of punk-ethos to a tee.

From the amazing newspaper that is the NZ Herald.

A chef will give evidence in a High Court trial in Christchurch New Zealand to support the crown's view that when alleged drug dealers were talking about the ingredients for whitebait patties, they were really discussing preparing methamphetmine for sale.

Two months of telephone tapping, interception of text messages, and surveillance under the police's Operation Dolmio has led to five people being on trial on charges of conspiracy to supply the class A drug.
The phone intercepts include the surprise query by one accused dealer asking how much "flour and sugar" to use for whitebait patties.

Another of the alleged conspirators tells him to use one egg and 8g of whitebait for 10 patties.
Crown prosecutor Anne Toohey today told Justice John Fogarty and the jury that the chef would be called to give evidence of the effectiveness of that recipe.

In fact, she said, the discussion was about "cutting" pure methamphetamine with dextrose to reduce its purity ready for sale.
All five accused have denied their involvement in a conspiracy to source the drug from two men in Auckland, transport it to Christchurch through an inter-island truck driver who was making regular trips, and cut it and retail it in Christchurch.
Miss Toohey said the telephone intercepts would be played to the jury and they would be shown the text messages exchanged. The conspirators often used slang terms, street names, or their own code words for the drugs.
"A drugs expert will tell you about the various types of names that are typically used for the drugs here. At the end of the day, it is a matter for you to decide what they were talking about."

Phil introduced me to the HBO series The Wire
a while back making this pretty believable.


You have to break a few eggs to make a White Bait Omelette

Photo: Kings Fish Market.co.nz

3 am

In Bed

Eau de vie

Vieille Prune

Lorentz

Tres drunk

Sokapeap la'aw

To be used inplace of a bloody mary mixer

INGREDIENTS
3 cucumbers, peeled and cut into small pieces
2 red onions peeled and quartered
1/2 jalapeno pepper
1 bunch spring onions
4 green bell peppers stems removed and quartered
4 celery ribs washed and cut into 1 inch pieces
1 bunch Italian Basil washed and stems removed
2 Tab Chlorophyll powder
1 Tab Ginger root Cleaned, skin-off and finely chopped
salt & pepper to taste
2 Tab Lime Juice Add more or less to taste

METHOD: Combine small batches of vegetables in a food processor and puree until smooth. When all the vegetables are pureed, place in a large container and cover with 3 litres of water. Let the mix stand refrigerated for 1 hour. In 1-quart batches, puree and strain the mix. Adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper, lemon juice, and lime juice. Serve in a large glass jug. Drink either on its own, or with liberal amounts of tequila or vodka. Goes fantastically with oysters and crab.

Chlorophyll powder is a powerful detoxifier - which helps to purge heavy metals from your system, its great for smokers or people who live in smoggy cities.

Tequila is a powerful intoxifier - which helps you to forget about everything you did whilst drinking it, its great for people who suffer from stress, or those who suffer from photographic memory disorders.

The illustrious minibar - such a persistently annoying bugger, that seems intent of stripping you of cash, by way of charging you rediculous prices for products of mediocre quality - all in the name of convenience.
You've been out all night and arrive back at your room, rather than waiting 40 minutes for piping hot room service you decide to spend the equivalent on a pack of oreos sitting in you minibar. What irrationality would grip a person to do such stupid things? Well our inability to wait that 40 minutes, and perhaps our preference to avoid any contact with humans i.e your in-room-dining server, nice as they are, sometimes you just want the food and don't want them to go through the rigorous routine that happens everytime they enter your room. I come to the point now where I just grab the food from the guy at the door, sign his check and then set up everything on my bed.
But then again I've spent almost 9 months in the past year living in various hotel rooms - so it might be an acquired state of derision.

Which leads me to the story of Mr David "don't hassle the hoff" Hasselhoff. After leaving alcohol rehab he conducted an interview, declaring to the world he'd never drink again - since Jesus had found him, or he'd found Jesus, I forget which.
Then the Hasselhoff checked into a local Marriott hotel and within no time at all - proceeded to attack the minibar, not just the snickers and peanuts, which would serve as garnish to his fantastic concoction; yes that's right, every 250ml bottle in the minibar was emptied into a bucket along with bottles of bud and shite red & white wine.

He was found the following day, lying in a pool of his own experiment by housekeeping.

Since this minibar incident, Hasselhoff has found himself being escorted from Wimbledon because of drunkenness and being refused from boarding a plane.

Minibars, it would seem are enough to melt anyones resolve - something hotels, have in mind when they decide to charge three times as much for a packet of oreos or a beer.