Stomachs on legs are proud to present

I just read this cute blog on Blue Lotus about a person who has never liked raw oysters, trying one fresh in Hokkaido and becoming a convert. I like this story. I like it when people try something new and change their opinion. It always fills me with hope.

Except I know if I was her friend and there with her, she would probably still hate oysters. This is because of the way I embarrass and harangue people into trying new food.

I'm a bit of an old nasty hag, you see. I know that.

I recently berated someone I like very much for never having eaten a raw oyster. Our common friend had a dinner party and bought fresh oysters which he shucked himself. A real treat. I happily downed my allotted two and then turned to my friend D and enquired as to why he wasn't eating them?

"I've never tried them before"

"let me guess, you grew up in some inland rural town of Australia"

"yes" he said relieved that I understood that raw oysters were not native to him

"yeah, but you're 31 now and how long did you live in Melbourne? I'd understand if you were 18 and fresh from the bush, but goddamit your 31 and you still haven't even tried one? What the hell is wrong with you"

So then, ummm, yeah. He tried one. I patted him on the back and he gave me a look like I am evil.

I know I am. I like to point out people's sore points, give them a hard time, see if they'll crack under pressure. If I had not said anything maybe he would have tried one, decided he liked it and ate another. But having eaten one under such trying conditions, I'm sure that he was left with a bad after taste, raw oyster or not.

I guess that makes me a not very nice person.

But really the story of raw oysters and me is not really a very nice one to begin with.

I was eating oysters in the womb. I kid you not. My mother reckons that when she was pregnant with me she constantly craved raw oysters, even though she herself doesn't like them. Nonetheless she gouged on them, swearing it was me demanding them. Pregnant women are not supposed to eat raw oysters, or raw anything for that matter as a bad one can give you such violent food poisoning that it can kill your baby. So perhaps I was so demanding of raw oysters in the womb that it was impossible to resist, or maybe she was trying to abort me from the start. And given that my mother and I have never really gotten on, I sometimes think it was possibly a little of both.

Sometimes I like to think being fed raw oysters in the womb has given me some sort of bad raw oyster immunity

Today, happily alive and blogging, my raw oyster fetish continues unabated. They haven't killed me yet. However on a recent trip to Sydney to see my sisters, I'm now a little more wary of the true dangers of oysters. As per family tradition, we all trundled down to the Sydney Fish Markets and I bought five dozen oysters. 3 trays of Sydney Rock oysters (small and sweet), and 2 trays of pacific (larger and salty).





They were pre-shucked. It was the last day of the Easter holidays. We ate them and a few hours later my little sister was in agony out both ends.

I stayed up the entire night with her. Bought her glasses of water and kept a watchful eye to make sure she didn't cark it. She survived the night and the next morning was driven to the airport, placed in a wheelchair and flown back to New Zealand.

She has made a full recovery, but is unlikely to eat a raw oyster for a very long time.

I'm so glad that it wasn't her first time eating an oyster. I'm glad that she wasn't my friend D and that on top of being harangued into eating an oyster he wasn't nearly killed doing so.

I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that the next time I tease someone into eating something they've never tried it will be fresh, cooked and unlikely to kill them.

Most chefs need a drink after work.

If you are wondering why. Ritchie explains.

While a good 800 people line up to get into our work place after our dinner service.

We the cooks can't wait to get the hell out.

Usually staff drinks are held in front of the local 7-11 but thanks to Chef Shaggy and Chef Dan we have found the delights of frozen beer.

I know when you come come to Thailand you think it is cool to drink the local beers but trust me they are shit.

As shit as Heineken. So freezen the contents only adds to the pleasure. Especially as we build up to the end of the hot/dry season.

It's really hot here.



Bring on Songkran.

Super freezing avocados

It is an amazingly simple task when it comes to blending super frozen items into a fine snow (vivid green coloured snow in this case) especially when you take food close to -196°C in a matter of minutes. The powder/snow that we created made a great finish for a tomato hops broth with a garnish of pure halloumi noodle which we also blended and bound with a percentage of Methocel A15C to form a wonderful salty cheesy take on pasta.



Another cool use for LN2 is its ability to turn liquids into little pearls of yumminess, coconut pearls in this case. We used our mighty Pacojet to spin 100% pure frozen Thai mangos into a creamy sorbet then finished this little pre-dessert with coconut pearls made from fresh Thai coconut cream and then finished the shot glass with freeze dried "organic" banana granules which of course came from Switzerland.








Soft shell crab salad (from the same menu)


Chocolate chestnut dessert, cocoa nib ice cream (also from the same menu)


Chef Rongs very cute two year old son seemed to enjoy the cocoa nib ice cream.

Today we got our first delivery of liquid nitrogen.

Thirty-five litres of fun.

By definition a refrigerator stands alone in its corner and, withdrawn from the world, it controls its atmosphere and protects its contents. Its door must be kept closed, otherwise it looses its cool. This withdrawal explains the isolation of refrigerators.
Is it possible to envision the encounter between two refrigerators? In this installation, two solitudes unite through a canal connecting their inside worlds. This unusual encounter produces a mist on the surface that binds them together.

Michel de Broin

Cologne's yearly c/o Pop festival began this week, and I celebrated the opening day by eating a c/o Pop ice cream cone from the organic ice cream truck which sometimes appears on Brüsselerplatz. Some would have you believe the cute two-tone van is there every fine afternoon, but I think it depends which dimension you're currently inhabiting.

The cone cost one euro (about 30 cents more expensive than your average non-organic ice cream cone): Demi and Erik told me when they were kids a cone went for 50 pfennig (about 20 cents). The range of flavours this guy offers is pretty dope: the mango-mint was good and I'm looking forward to trying the Hollunder-blossom and yoghurt flavour, and the cassis flavour. The milk & spelt-cookies one could be good too.
And I'm not even such a big fan of ice cream. This is actually the first time in living memory that I have bought one. Kein scheiss.



I remember some years ago buying a Cologne techno compilation, that featured a red & white tiled modernist drinks cart on the cover. Supposedly some guy would set it up in random places and sell alcoholic beverages. At that time I thought it was a pretty cool idea, but since I moved here I have never seen the cart and none of my work mates has ever heard of it.

Supposedly coffee carts are against the law here, and Demi & Erik were also laughing at the idea of someone trying to put an uncovered food vendor stall under a tree or lamp post or anywhere a bird might shed unhygienic effluence.

And yet apparently it is possible to get around the current smoking 'ban' in corner bars and clubs simply by having someone sitting outside the door with a 'smoking club' list which everyone who wants to go inside has to sign and become a temporary 'member' of.

The hygiene and health laws in Germany can be very strict, but apparently the rights of 'kneipe' owners are still more important than the lung-health of hospitality workers.

Bear that in mind if somebody approaches you with a clipboard outside one of the c/o Pop venues.

PORTLAND, Ore. — A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.

Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn't provide a refund.

The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said.

Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder _ but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.

After Wednesday's sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal _ calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.

Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.

Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals.

link

I mentioned in a post to K'Jam that I'd write out this recipe.

For the malt, I use Horlick's. It was the only brand that my shitty supermarket stocks. Friends have tried using malt extract from the brewing process, hops and all, and this proves to be a grim and terrible mistake. It's not to say that hops has no place in icecream. The new lychee/passionfruit-y Nelson Sauvin cultivar might work well if applied extremely judiciously, but you'd need to destroy too many batches of bitter ice cream before you came to a decent result.

Once you've eaten this, you'll wonder why malt ice cream isn't the world's most popular beige food.

Ingredients:

150gm palm sugar
250ml milk
Pinch of salt

6 egg yolks

500ml cream
100gm malt powder
50gms chopped walnuts

Method:

Grate up the palm sugar and warm in a saucepan with the milk and salt.

Whisk together the malt powder and cream in a large bowl.

In a different bowl, whisk together the egg yolks. Once the palm sugar has dissolved in the milk, slowly pour the sugary milk into the yolks, whisking constantly. Pour this mix back into the saucepan and return to a medium heat, stirring constantly until the mix forms into thin custard. You'll know when it is done when it coats the back of your spoon.

Pour the custard into the cream and malt mix. Whisk and set in an ice bath to cool.

Once chilled, pour the mix into your ice cream maker. Add the walnuts just before it is finished. Try to eat without forming a smug grin.

Just to prove it's not all eat & no work,

Here's a page from a gig guide produced here at the Academy in Toronto (written by trusty cohort Max Cole aka Moxo Tengu - listen to his track Cookie Jars by clicking the link)

Some of the participating DJs and producers described as ice cream flavours, with tongue firmly in cheek...

Ahmm... slap-stick humour??

Posters in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn:





Sex on a stick huh?

Discovered by my sister Rachel at a local kiosk: 297 kcal of sweet ass... er, ice.