Stomachs on legs are proud to present

So we have been living in Auckland since March when our plans to move back to Asia crumbled along side Thailand's aspirations towards democracy.

We are still working on "Plan B".

It's not so bad. The winter here is very mild. I go jogging around Mission Bay on sunny days and think that life is on the whole pretty good.

However, I am experiencing extreme, cross-Tasman national level food envy.

Let me explain. You know how when you go to a restaurant and order the wrong thing and wished you had ordered what your friend ordered and spend the rest of the evening eyeing up their plate? Well it's like that but on a national level.

I once thought that Canberra was at the ass end of all agro-food supply chains. How wrong I was. I've decided that New Zealand now takes that dubious title. Being an major agro-exporter to the world and extremely proud of its local food culture, I know that any New Zealander would argue that I am wrong until they are blue in the face. To which I would respond with a big fat "whateva". Yes we export a whole lotta milk powder...ngeah!

And I can say that because I am a bourgeois female – vanguard of the 21st century – the new working class male (Make way for a whole new type of chauvanism people!!! Possibly involving unbleached tampons) . I also think that most notable food critics and chefs agree with me. I've noticed in the local food press that journalists love to ask visiting food dignitaries such as Rick Stein and others what they think of New Zealand food. The overwhelming response that I have noticed is a slightly uncomfortable shifting in one's seat followed by the very diplomatic comment "it has come a long way from where it was before".

Which isn't really that far. Quite frankly I think the food here, the quality and the variety can be pretty second rate. Given the very small size of the local population, their limited spending power and generally unadventurous palates, top quality, interesting produce does not make much of a showing on most supermarket shelves or farmer's market tables (back in April, I was outraged on a fishing trip to Leigh that the local fishery there does not do any public sales and exports all of its catch directly overseas).

In the meantime, I have been endlessly taunted by Australian cooking shows. MasterChef Australia, SBS's Luke Nguyen's Vietnam and Food Safari have been goading me on cable tv. I have a serious case of Australian food envy. Sitting here in the living room eating yet more kumera, broccoli and chicken, I'm amazed to learn that the Maltese community of Australia is large enough that they make their own Gbejniet. Luke casually mentions that you can buy most varieties of mango and Vietnamese herbs in Australia now and I grimace (not in NZ tho). And to add insult to injury, histrionic Masterchef contestants get to cook with massive pieces of truffles (I asked for a truffle for my birthday but the NZ truffle crop rotted in the floods this season and of course no one imports them because NZer are just too poor to buy them, meanwhile Canberra had a bumper crop).

I love New Zealand, it will always be home. It will always be my birth place. But an unfortunate part of being a New Zealander is feeling like the poor and envious sibling of Australia. To bring it back to the intimate scale of a dining table. It's like always going out to dinner with the same friend who is richer, luckier, more worldly, interesting and louder than you and always gets the better meal...every single time.

Pictured: two of my favourite things to eat in the entire world, black sesame ice cream and sakura mochi, at Kura in Auckland. (The sakura mochi, a sign of spring half a hemisphere away, was served warm).

When we turned up, my friend David said "I'm interested to see what you think this time," which didn't exactly raise my expectations. The quality at decent restaurants tends to go down over time, and on a visit a year ago Kura seemed to have, at best, hit a plateau.
But instead I was pleased to find their delicious braised tongue was back on the menu, and the presentation of the specials had a bit more tender loving care, like the plate below (from the daily specials menu), with a yummy bite-sized square of cold seafood consommé en gelée with little nameko mushrooms in it, andh other treats like genmai-zushi topped with shredded shiso.

That plate only cost 14 dollars, which felt like a bargain compared to food of a similar quality in Europe. And bargain is not a word you say often in NZ these days when it comes to food.

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These vids are part of a NZonAir-funded website called Rattle Ya Dags, where besides kumara (sweet potato) adages, you can also see food TV host Peta Matthias speaking about how determination will help you to write books (duh) and admonishing that eating cheese and wine is better than fast food, which will "turn you into trash" - well I do declare. And Hugh Sundae gives a ginger-chicken crockpot recipe.

Below Oliver Driver speaks about the guy at the dairy.

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Grooveman Spot (Jazzysport, Japan) played in NZ recently, and made these tour videos. Music might sound better when it's round like a record - but in Auckland, as in Rome, pizza tastes better when it's square.

Eateries highlighted include:
- the café at Conch Records on Ponsonby Rd
-Belgian beer & mussels at De Post in Mt Eden
- square pizza from TOTO restaurant (where Grooveman Spot played at the Turnaround party in the basement)
- tacos and tostadas from the mighty Mexican Specialities in Ellerslie.

...The coffee jelly on the plane looks quite good too.

Appearances by lovable jazzy-kiwi mafia including Mara TK, Mamiko, Cian, 3 yr-old Esai, Nick D, Andy Submariner and Bobby Brazuka.

The Chip Group a partnership between local industry groups and the New Zealand Heart Foundation focused on improving the nutritional profile of chips or chups.

Judging from their website* and giveaways they have received some serious funding.

*Note awesome chip wallpaper.

If you do decide to join up like me you will be privy to some pretty spectacular videos covering topics such as optimum "chip size", "oil temperature", "basket drainage" and of course "salt"

After watching seven amusing clips which cover topics such as THUCK cut CHUPS are BUTTAR for your HELF and that you should not use SKUNNY CHUPS. I aced the tests (sorry modules) and received my certificate for which I am very proud.

The Chip Group recommends printing your certificate off and showing your work mates. Which is exactly what I did but Chalong my sous chef burnt it on an open flame. Where is the respect.

The Chip Group is now busily sending my two nieces in Auckland (I used their address as I thought it would be asking a tad much to send the goodie bag to Bangkok)

1 bottle of Kiwi Style Tomato Sauce (6 muthafucken liters!!!)
1 bottle of Kiwi Style Tartar Sauce (Also 6 ltrs!!! BURP)
1 Jar Kiwi Style Deep Frying Baking Powder (2 kg!)
1 jar of Kiwi style Chicken Salt Seasoning (2.5 kg!!!!!!!!)
1 apron and t-shirt (hopefully size XXXL as the girls little Hello Kitty t-shirts will not fit them after eating 12 liters of heavily processed condiments)

It was not a complete waste of 30 minutes. I learnt that 2.5 thousand tons of fat is equal 632 elephants. WTF? Actually this is the total amount of fat that they wish to remove each year from the NZ populations diet by cooking a better chip which is not a bad idea if you have ever seen Maytels dads tummy.

Anyway the password for my membership was horsefat which the website never once referred to which is a shame really as it is a nice middle ground, bridging the worlds of high and low saturated fats and producing a pretty good chip.

Anyway...Ella and Liv enjoy the 2 kg of Kiwi Style Deep Frying Baking Powder.

...Barbecuing at our family bach in Leigh (chicken legs rubbed with smoked paprika and lamb chops from Stubbs butcher), after a day spent at Tawharanui beach (with a picnic snack of radler beers and home-made sweet pepper coca flatbread).
Just behind the barbecue is the entrance to the mudslide, which goes down into the gully. Both barbecue and mudslide have been there since my grandfather dug them in the '50s.

On our trip home to NZ, we visited the Coromandel with my mother and sister. I'd never been there in high summer before, so I was curious what all the hooha was about, on this iconic strip of kiwi coastline: including beaches like Hahei, Gemstone bay and Cathedral Cove.

I asked NZ techno producer and english teacher Simon Flower for a few tips, which ended up being worth their weight in gold. Hence I am republishing them here, along with my own photo evidence, for the benefit of any other prospective Coromandel holiday makers. Go forth, drink tea, swim with stingrays and eat short ribs. And don't miss the beer-battered fries (above): a very thin and crispy shell on those babies.

Simon's tips:

1. "Hahei beach. The left end is the money end, and is close to the shops, which have a great icecream shop! (behind the general store on the corner). Also at the left end you have a nice cliff side walkway up to the Cathedral Cove track: take your camera as it's a beautiful view from up there.

The view:



2. Cathedral Cove is stunning, but I'd also recommend popping down to Stingray bay on the walk to the Cove. At this time of year the Cove is PACKED, yet in Stingray Bay there is no one, people dont even take the time to walk 2 minutes off the track down to this glorious little bay. And yes, there are stingrays there! Both times I've been there I've seen stingrays swimming in the shallows.



3. Otara Bay. On the road to Hahei from Tairua, you pass a beach called 'sailors grave' on the left. If you go down to sailors grave you'll see a track to the left which goes around the left corner to Otara Bay (about a 10 minute walk). You can walk around the rocks too if you want. Beautiful bay, golden sand, and I bet you won't see anyone there.

4. Colenso Cafe. This is just outside of Whenuakite, near the turnoff for Hahei. Nice country style cafe/herbal tea joint, ladies love it.

(Note from ed: My mother did indeed love it. She purchased the 'crostini topping' below as a souvenir for my grandmother. Crostini topping in a jar...whatever next?)



5. There is a bar/restaurant next to the Ice-cream shop in Hahei called 'The Grange' (on Grange rd). They do these freakin amazing BBQ ribs. They come on a bed of wedges, so I'd change the order to make it BBQ ribs on their own, with a side of their beer-battered fries. Killer pub grub."

Ahh... fancy pub food, ankles scraped from snorkeling over boulders, herbal tea and jars of gussied up tomato stuff to spread on dry toasts... Thanks for the great tips Simon!
The Coromandel is splendid indeed.

Now I am feeling home sick

My two sisters who still live in New Zealand just sent me these photos of their Christmas fishing day in Thames

They had a morning swim in this river



Stayed in my older sister's girlfriend's house in Thames



Caught fresh scallops



and lots of snapper. This is my youngest sister with the fish



I'm sooooo home sick right now

So the weekend before last I was in Auckland attending our annual sisters' reunion. There are four girls in my family, no boys. This is usually a weekend in either Auckland or Sydney and involves copious amounts of food, booze, giggling, bitching and sometimes tears.

This reunion began with foot massages and yum cha at Pearl Garden for which I was not present, instead I was standing at the kitchen sink grumbling about everything being organised far too early for my tastes, when I realised I just needed to go back to bed for a couple more hours (I had spent the previous day travelling 13 hours from Canberra to Auckland because I had decided to save money and catch the bus from Canberra to Sydney)

So the real get together began Saturday night. I collected kokoda and uni from the Nola's fish shop,



whilst other sisters bought oysters, salmon sashimi, crab, pipis and mussels.

Our dinners when held at my older sisters' are usually a movable feast. First off someone popped some champagne and then I decided to make guacamole with corn chips to serve with the kokoda, a la mexican kokoda that had worked so well when I made in March in NZ....the combination of Pacific Island style fish ceviche with mexican accountrements works and I recommend you try it.

We drunk more

My sister made the pipis and mussels smoked inside the bbq.



We drunk some more

I made kina spread on bruschetta with a bit of butter, salt and pepper and lemon. I had intended on serving it raw but it had a strange bitter after taste that Japanese uni doesn't tend to have so I decided that grilling it would be better. It was. Although reactions to the idea of kina bruschetta by my sister's partner's Maori and Pacific Island work mates was one of confusion "Kina...hmmm....Bruschetta????" Kina Bruschetta is an abomination to anyone that grew up fishing and diving in the Pacific seas.



Then we decided we were full....the live crabs sitting in a bucket in the garage probably thought they had made it past dinner



But then a few hours later came a second wind. We plunged them into hot water, pried back their heads and quartered them and threw them on the brazier



The night ended with cheese, whiskey (seconded from our father's booze cabinet) and a card game that couldn't be won on account of the fact that a number of cards were missing from the deck but everyone was far too drunk to notice



Sunday morning rolled round and began with my sister's spelt flour pancakes served with strawberries, yoghurt and maple syrup. An indulgence that made me wonder where the indulgence was.

We then went cockling at Cornwallis



Once everyone had collected their alloted 50 cockles each we recounted them and threw back the littlest ones





We headed for the grass for a rest beneath the pohutukawa trees, the classic red flowering tree of NZ often called the NZ Christmas tree.



Until we decided we were hungry again

So lunch of smoked salmon, salmon sashimi, cockles, bread and every single condiment we could find was amassed on the table in addition to a salsa verde I whipped up from my sister's kitchen garden.





We peeled off. I had a nap, others went for a walk and the littlest went home to feed her kitten. We reconvened at another Huia beach for a high tide swim



We returned for one last mammoth eating effort, lentil salad, toulouse sausages, tomato ragu and watercress, avocado, pear and walnut salad.



And said goodbye for another year.

After Maytel's amusing panning of Chez Panisse et al, I couldn't resist adding the above photo, which comes from the New York Times this week. It's an image from a Berkeley kindergarten. I love how sushi makes it onto the kindergarten radar.

Locavore is a word that has always made me shiver a bit: needlessly labeling a one-dimensional aspect of being a consumer.

Anyway, Robert Sietsema's first installment of his series on eating locally and cheaply (if not organically) in NYC, is quite interesting.
And his motivations are laudable. Down with ten dollar chops, I say! (They remind me too much of New Zealand).

Note the headline. When did saying stuff in a slightly retarded way to be funny become a Kiwi-ism? I think we have begun to take pride in imperfection.

Today my pal in NYC emailed to see if I was interested in attending this event in NYC when we go on holiday in a week.

She said, "Dunno if this interests you. It's a gastropub down near South St Seaport and the Finance District."

NELSON BLUE 1st ANNUAL PIG ROAST!!!

Nelson Blue is proud to invite you to our KIWI PIG PARTY!! This celebration will be in full force from noon until 'THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD NO MORE MEAT!' We will be roasting 150 lb's of succulent meat and serving portions with corn on the cob, cole slaw, potato salad and a complimentary beer or wine!!! There will be kiwi music, beer and wine specials and a whole lotta fun!!!! SAT OCT 4TH STARTS AT MIDDAY TILL WE RUN OUT OF PIG !!!

My sister also emailed me about my impending trip in late October

We went out in the boat today and I caught a fat gurnard just off Puponga Point by Cornwallis. Gurnard are so pretty, not to mention tasty. The garden has a ways to go, lots of fruit trees (heritage) have gone in but it will take a couple of years before it really starts to flourish. Meanwhile we also had our first 'breakfast on the front deck' of the season. When it's warm we have our coffee and toast out in the sun. However, there are always a couple of gorgeous weeks in September and everyone starts shrieking "summer's here!!!" and then October arrives and it gets cold and wet again.

Anyway, there are some wines in the cellar that need an occasion in order to drink them. When you are here we can do some yummy dinners and dispatch of some of the older vintages. Will you have some spare time while you are here or will you be busy with work? I'm hoping my workload will have eased a bit by then.
Gx
P.S this is a gurnard, not my actual gurnard however.

My response: pig no, gurnard yes. Would rather eat shitty American food in NYC than shitty NZ food, but fresh caught gurnard, "heritage" fruit trees and vintage cellar, yes, yes, yes

Have I mentioned that I am a lucky cow?

I firmly believe the best burgers in the world are to be found in good old New Zealand, at a chain called Burger Fuel. Their third-pounder with cheese (extra beetroot) is one of my definitions of heaven. I'm not usually one to top up my calorie intake with a shake and fries either, but at Burger Fuel this is mandatory: their malted shakes are the bomb and their kumara fries with garlic mayo are, in terms of dopeness, weapons of mass destruction.

So New York's Shake Shack (supposedly one of the city's best burger spots) has frozen custard in tomato, sweet corn or caramelised peach flavours. So what. Burger Fuel has coconut ice malted shakes!
Suck on that!

Note: coconut ice is a type of old-fashioned sweet, common in Commonwealth countries, especially at garage sales, school fairs, and in grandmothers' kitchens. Crumbly pink cubes composed of dessicated coconut, condensed milk and pink food colouring. Here is a recipe.

Voila: my husband. (I still get a kick out of how arcane that word sounds). He hates this photo.

#2: Gamely eating fried fish with soon-to-be in-laws at the Fisherman's Table Restaurant, Wellington, NZ



Nice location, but this restaurant is decidedly not good.

Nothing like good yoghurt.

I could actually wax rhapsodic about the slight differences in mouth-feel and creaminess of different yoghurts. (Oh yeah, I sort of already did).

Every country has its own twists on what makes a wonderful yoghurt. In 2004 when Japanese table tennis icon Ai-chan threw a temper tantrum at the Olympics because the yoghurt didn't taste like back home, it didn't seem total diva behaviour. A thick, high fat Greek milk-product texture could be unsettling if you were used to light yet solid and wobbly Japanese 'Bulgarian' yoghurt. Yoghurt can be any slightly sour milk product, at any point between liquid and fatty or gelatinous. Yoghurt drinks are popular here in Germany: I'm fond of this stuff called 'Schweden Milch' (in Swedish: 'filmjölk') which is creamy and slightly fizzy in your mouth. Apparently the high-sucrose Korean frozen yoghurt chain Pinkberry is spreading faster than Starbucks in the States right now.

But don't assume it's good for you. The good bacteria can survive the freezing process, but there has to be a large enough number of them to survive being killed off in your gut. Apparently (according to a 2004 article by Severin Carrell in the Independent) most probiotic drinks, including Yakult and Danone Actimel, ignored recommendations by the UN's Food and Agriculture Organisation and World Health Organisation to print the number of live bacteria each bottle contains. Some university in Reading is doing a study to see which products deliver on their advertising promises.

My favourite in NZ, Cyclops coffee-flavour, is available in every supermarket. To me it is one of those ultimate junk-food treats. The high fat content of the yoghurt and the perfectly sour creaminess are a mind-blowing combo with the sweet, slightly bitter, gelatinous texture provided by the layer of coffee gloop.
Sour-bitter-fatty-sweet: genius combo.

It's the kind of thing where you're thinking 'This is so bad for me' as your spoon-to-mouth movements become steadily more robotic and increase in frequency.

If you have that bourgeois, obsessive-compulsive habit of photographing food, no doubt you've also accidentally collected quite a few shots of people caught in the act of stuffing their faces. Hence: the Hand to Mouth series. Gut Feelings members, I heartily invite you to add your own.

And in the interests of bringing myself down a peg or two, I present:


#1: Chewing ribs in Porirua, Wellington, New Zealand.

Good portions, reasonable prices, friendly, but not too friendly service, only a handful of annoying baby-boomers

and great food, excellent flavours, interesting presentation

nuff said



Tortillini


Tuna and panzenella salad


Crab and avocado salad?


Quail


Snapper


Veal with cocoa sauce


Beetroot gnocchi


Pork


Desserts







365 Dominion Road, Mt Eden, Auckland City, New Zulund