Wednesday, 23 July 2008 by kinakoJam
The client from my Sabbath Day ladypose invited me out to dinner. I should have bù huì'd, but I said OK and ended up confronted with an all-pig Szechuan hotpot.
As I rooted around in the hotpot with the ladle, hoping to find some small intestine submerged in the depths, I heard the massive sound of a needle scratching off a record. Hoping to find small intestine? Yeah, small intestine: doubt me if you want, but I have lately discovered that it is a fucking delectable part of a pig. Texture of liver with no hideous fat or gummy bits wobbling on it as on pig muscle. Alas, this particular 'pot contained naught but vile cubes of congealed blood and rubbery ciliated large intestine. Chinese people, I know you love a bit of blood in your breakfast congee, or any time really, but I just can't get down with it. At dinner, I swallowed a single jiggling clot, a postage stamp-sized scrap of tripe, then filled up on cabbage and kept my hands busy by chopsticking black peppercorns into my mouth one by one.
OK, so I thought I was going to take a day or two's break from the burning digestive issues of Gut Feelings, but then, ya know. As it happens, this week, inspired by Coco, I decided to start a music blog, and just now I was browsing around to see if there were any other worthwhile music blogs that I should link to.
So I was surfing through the links provided by the New Yorker's music blogger Sasha FrereJones, as you do, and I clicked through randomly to Elyse Sewell.
Who the hell is Elyse Sewell? You might ask. (As did I).
It turns out she is a model. (Whoop de do, I hear you reply. Well, stick with me). This girl is not only a model, but a model who appeared on the first season of America's Next Top Model. And apparently there is a fan site dedicated to her. This is remarkable because I am surprised that any ANTM graduate has a fan site, let alone from Season 1 - who can remember back that far?
(I'm getting to the food-related point, I promise).
Most of all, I am surprised to find that this girl's blog actually kicks ass! A blog that doesn't make me want to crush my head with my keypad is rare, but written by a model?? Who has been on an American reality show??
Life is too weird sometimes.
Anyway, Elyse seems to be a fan of food, from spicy to hormonal and gelatinous (no ominivorous dilemmas, sic, for her), from asparagus juice to squid ink meatballs and frozen candied plums. She makes Fuschia Dunlop seem like Eliza Doolittle.
She is somewhat linguistically inspired, writing that she wants to "elevate the status of "conversate" from a Biggie-perpetrated malaprop to a legitimate member of the lexicon".
And her caption for the photo below:
"I burned my finger poking this aperture. I burned my head trying to climb through it into Narnia."
Go Elyse. I still don't really understand who you are, but I like your writing. A lot.